There you lie so lifeless in my arms, your body so limp and motionless,
so very thankful that your eyes are closed.
What it is that made this happen or why this happened I will never know,
things will be very different from this point on.
They say the pain will go away, I do not believe it,
they say that warm memories are all that is left, then why is it so cold at times.
Praying that God will help me to pull through the tough times, that he will gently carry me along….
Things are starting to get better
Going to the graveside helps
Praying to God helps
Being with my family helps
Crying is very healing
Grief counseling is good
Remember to put one foot in front of the other no matter what
GRIEF IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
I awoke this morning and had this overwhelming sense inside of me to set down in front of this computer and write. Well here I am. What is the big deal Lord? Why have you led me here? I really do not know what it is at this point so I will let the Lord guide me through this. All I can seem to think about is Jesus. What he did for us. Is it not just so awesome to have someone who loves you so much that they would give up their son for you.
Is there a similarity between losing my son? Did I give up my son so that God can work through me to bring in the lost?
Today there are a lot of questions on which I will ponder on. I will walk through today looking for an answer from God. As I go about my day my spirit will be afloat has God carries me gently through. What will the Lord do today that will open my eyes to the heavens?
If you would like to speculate with me go right ahead. I might respond, I might not. Just let it be known that I love to read how the Lord has used me to touch your soul. To caress it and wash love over it. IN HIS NAME!
One day life seemed so grand,
everything was going as planned.
It was a day like no other will ever replace,
it was the last time that I was going to see your face.
In a moments notice things took a terrible course,
I cannot think of anything that can be more worse.
I tried the best I could to save you,
I am sorry I couldn’t, but the Lord needed you
You are flying high in heaven now,
I know that I will be with you again, someday, somehow.
Your memory will carry on inside me forever, and ever
Ahhh…. now that is what I call comfort food. It’s warm steam rising from the top of the cup, as it lets out the decadent aroma of chocolaty bliss. The marshmallows are floating beside each other as they wait there turn to be married together with cocoa on my taste buds. The warm glow from the kerosene heater as it radiates heat and warmth. Soothing the cold air seeping in from the cracks in the screen door out front. The sound of Christmas music playing in the background. It’s wonderful sound lightens up the atmosphere in this empty house. All of these things combined together is creating such an emotional high that seems to mask any negative feelings I may have.
I look out the windows and notice that the leaves on the trees have completed their journey to the ground. The season has came and gone so quickly. It seems as if just yesterday I was outside with the kids playing in the yard. All of the yelling, screaming and giggling has been replaced by silence. I look out into that same yard. I can vision a little boy romping through water puddles after being told not to. I can hear the sound of tiny plastic wheels as they grind their way across the pavement accompanied by the sound of a little bell ringing. By looking at the ground and seeing the masses of leaves gathered there, I can see a short way into the future.
Winter time is knocking at our doorstep. The days will start to get shorter and the nights will become colder. Pretty soon we will be inside hibernating as we look out the windows watching the world go by. A time when we get out our biggest jackets and bundle up before we even think about taking that first step out the door. We will wait patiently for that “first snow” of the season. I can foresee it transpiring as it has in the past. In the late hours of the night. We will wake up in the morning and the ground will be covered in fluffy white brilliance. But there will be no desire what so ever to go out in it. Not even to make a snow angel. I think I will just set in the house and watch it from in here. I can tell this winter is going to be much colder than it has ever been before.
…..my eyes refocus on the computer screen. The cursor is blinking. I begin to type as I take another sip of my hot chocolate.
What a beautiful day it is today. I decided that I was going to venture out and soak up some of this nice weather before it gets bad tonight. The weather man is calling for rain, but you never do know what to expect in our neck of the woods.
I could not figure as to where I was going to go and write this post. I really wanted to go out to Caleb’s grave and do it there, but something a little more enticing crossed my mind. The park. I am sure glad that I chose to come here. There are a flood of memories here and it feels really good to be around them.
There is a steady breeze in the air, and the autumn leaves are stirring around. It seems like they are all dancing with each other. So many vibrant colors fill the scene. Colors of the deciduous trees changing their face. Colors of the light reflecting off of the water. The colors of the buildings that are masked behind the remaining trees and foliage that were left behind.
I can remember those times that we brought little Caleb out here with sissy. He and sissy loved to play near the water where all of the ducks were. We would feed them bread crumbs as my grandmother and I once did when I was a kid. They loved it as well. We played on the playground, and in the water park. Even when there was no water to play in, by god we still played. A majority of the time was spent chasing Caleb all over the place. He just could not figure out what he wanted to do. All he knew was that he was outside and he loved it.
I see now what goes on during the day while the younger generation is off to work and school. The older class, the ones who have served their time come out to play. Off in the distance I can see a grandfather playing with his grandson in the park. What great fun they are having. There is an older couple taking laps around the lake, getting in some good ole exercise. Another fellow is setting beside me in his truck talking on his cb radio. Another is fishing across the lake. Is this what I have to look forward to when I am mature? I pray to god that my life will be just as peaceful as all of those I have seen here today.
It is amazing that God has created something so wonderful. It is terrible to see that so many people are taking it all for granted. I too am one of those people. But today I took the time to slow down and see things in a different perspective. I am glad I did. Thank you God.
I hope that you all have a wonderful day today. Thank you for reading.