It has been a very long time since I last wrote to you.  But you know that I have certainly not forgotten about you.  I just wanted to drop by and say hi to you and to tell you that I love you still with my whole heart.  I still miss you deeply, but I have been busy with mommy, sissy and bubby.  We have all built a very good life for ourselves from the blessing that God has given us.  We have been spending our time getting to know the Lord better so that we can have a spot right beside you in Heaven.  I do not know when I will take the time to write to you again.  Just know one thing.  You are always welcome back home to pay us a “little visit.”  Thank you so much for being so understanding sorry to bother you.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

I can see that you are very sad.  Will you please put a smile on your face?  What happened to me is not your fault.  It is not daddy’s fault either.  God has a plan for each and every one of us from the time we are born.  I did what it was I needed to do and it was time for me to go.  I know that you would like to have me back in your arms again, but it is my turn now.  You did such an awesome job loving me, it is my turn to carry you in my arms.  But you see your sadness makes it difficult for me to comfort you.  So please mommy, open up your heart so that you can see that I am right here beside you and daddy.  I never left.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Caleb

It sure has been a long time since I last wrote to you.  You know, I think that for some strange reason your death has really changed who I am as a person.  I wish I had more to write but I just don’t right now.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

Caleb,

     This has been one of the most unique Christmas’ I have ever in my life have had.  It has been one filled with numerous emotions.  Ranging anywhere from extremely happy, to sad.  From being extremely angry and impatient to kind hearted and loving.  Tears were shed and laughter was heard.  There were feelings of togetherness as we celebrated with our family.  Then there were feelings of great loneliness.  Yet, this year was really calm and organized.  That is very strange for this time of the year.  There was just a peace in the air that was like no other.  I can honestly say that despite the circumstances this was the best Christmas I have ever had in my life. 

     I really feel the presence of the Lord on this day bubby.  It is almost as if he has reached his hand down from heaven and he is gently guiding us along.  There is a story that leads up to these calm and docile feelings that I have.  It all started several days ago when you came to visit me in my dream.  You know the one where I was lying in bed half awake, half asleep.  Suddenly I seen a really bright light come over my eyelids.  It seemed as if it was the morning sun shining in my face.  I remember very vividly, I was in a really bright room.  I sat up and looked around, I noticed a window right behind me.  There was bright sunshine radiating through.  As my eyes came into focus, I saw you looking in the window at me.  You had the biggest smile on your face.  We connected in that dream on a level that I have never connected with you before.  I knew right then and there that you were okay.  I felt a great peace come over me.  It was such a great experience I had to tell mommy.  Later on that day we received a great blessing from the Lord.  I cannot even begin to tell you or even explain the great work the Lord is doing through me. 

     As today grew closer and closer I did not have the feelings of missing you, I knew that you were right here with me.  You are in my heart.  There is a place there for you that you can call home always and forever.  I will hide you there and with the power of God’s love I will go on in this world changing lives one at a time.  Before I close this letter to you, I want to share a poem with you that expresses my love and devotion to God, you, our family and everybody else in this world who needs a shoulder to lean on.

Christmas time has come and passed,

it seems as if another year is gone away so fast.

Before you know it, it will be time to do it all over again,

then another new year will begin.

However there is one thing that will never change,

spending each new year without you and how it feels so strange.

I know that you will always be there in my heart,

nothing in this world will ever break those feelings apart.

What is it that helps me get through all of this you ask,

it is all about God and his great task.

A heavenly mission that was set out for me from day I was born,

one I will carry on with even after being broken, battered and torn.

You see in order for you to see God through me,

I have had to lose things so dear and close to me.

But if that means that you will be in heaven with me someday,

I will lose everything for you just to show you the way.

                             ….Merry Christmas….Jeffrey

     Well that is it bubby, I really hope that you have had an awesome Christmas.  I know that I have.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

Caleb,

     How are you doing this evening?   Today is the end of it.  It will be time to go back to work again.  I am in for a long weekend, but there will be sweet victory on Monday.  Back at home relaxing around the warm glow of my kerosene heater with a hot cup of coffee in my hands.  Wearing my robe whilst staring at a blank computer screen waiting for the Lord to speak with me.

     I had an unusual experience over the past day.  I saw a particular person that was in need of some uplifting.  So I reached out.  In that process I was exposed to such a raw story of the grief she has for her brother.  I mean she really poured it out to me.  In the end, allowing her to do such a thing was what she had needed all along.  I am so glad the Lord led me to do that.  To see someone in such pain, only to see her rise up from the ashes and take another step forward.  I simply love what the blog is starting to accomplish.  If there were another time that this particular person would like to send another email just to vent some more she would be welcome to. 

     Well I think that it is time to shut this down for the evening.  It is time to go to bed so that I can go to work tomorrow.  I will be thinking a lot about you.  I will be waiting for your next appearance.  When you do show up a dull day can suddenly turn bright.  I love having you as my angel.  You will always be my little blessing.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

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Disfellowshipping

(in some Protestant religions) the status of a member who, because of some serious

infraction of church policy, has been denied the church’s

sacraments and any post of responsibility and is officially shunned by other members.

     Excuse my foul language, but what the hell is this?  It almost seems as if a person is trying to say, “I am more holy than you are.” “So by some ridiculous by-law you are no longer allowed in this church.”  “Oh, and by the way I will never speak, be near you or anything that involves social contact of any kind.”  “That is until you can prove yourself to be worthy of God’s love.”  Now if you believe in this practice I may offend you with what I about to say. “This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!” in fact I am outraged because of it. 

     There is an extensive list of reasons why you can be “disfellowshipped,” you can find that information at this link  BALONEY!  There are a few of these reasons that really floor me.

Associating with disfellowshipped people

Blood and blood transfusions

Attending another church

Military service

Worldly celebrations such as Christmas

     This practice also has a profound effect on people I have come to find.  They feel as if they are an outcast to society.  They are told they are doomed to the gates of Hell if they do not conform to the practice.  They back all of this malarchy up with the Bible. 

     You know what I think?  These people need to realize that the only way into heaven is through the Lord Jesus Christ.  Remember, the one God sent to save us from our sins so that we may have everlasting life.  Where does that fit in this practice?  I know, I need to be perfect in God’s eyes and conform to some egocentric beliefs.  Then maybe I will be accepted into heaven.  Yeah right!

     I know there a lot of people who read this blog and some of you may practice this.  Why don’t you put the bullshit down and go find out what God is really all about.  Oh yeah, if you come knocking on my door it better be because you want to get down on your knees with me and accept the LORD JESUS CHRIST, as your savior.  I will be more than happy to talk to you then.  As always thanks for stopping by to read this today.  I hope that was inspirational to you.  Who knows, maybe you learned something.

Good morning Caleb,

     Well it is finally that time of day again.  WORK!  For those of us that still understand that a good hard days work is worth it when you can look back and see all that you have earned.  Loafing is just out of the question.  Okay now on to a language that you can understand.  How is a three year old supposed to understand all of that mumbo jumbo?  I guess that I am just ranting and raving a bit.

     Missing you is not the only trouble I am facing this holiday season.  Yes there is more on my plate.  My mother in law is struggling to find shelter and the two grown men she has living with her are not doing a whole lot for her.  She also refuses to do any for herself.  It is painful to set and watch that while not being able to do anything about it.  The other is that bubby does not get to come home for Christmas this year.  But you know, somehow by the grace of our loving God I am able to maintain somewhat of a happiness.  Which leads me to my next point.

     I am so very thankful to have you and God. The both of you are working so many miracles in the life of my family.  I know that today I am going to think a lot about you and bubby, I can just feel it.  It is going to drag me down a bit.  But I will soldier on through my day because that is what I must do.  I just want the whole world to know how much I love you.  How much I miss you.  I just want to stand up on top of the tallest mountain and scream, “I LOVE YOU CALEB.”  Well that time has come, I need to get ready to leave and earn today’s wages.  Because I to am just a paycheck away from being in trouble myself.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

     Yes I did see my candle in the window.  I was with you when you lit it silly.  I was kinda wondering why you were doing that for me.  All I could think about is how much I wanted to blow it out.  But thank you, it was really nice.  Now if I could just figure out how to blow this silly thing out.  Oh the games I could play with you.

I love you all like a fat kid loves cake, with cherries and whipped cream on top,

Caleb Alexander

Good morning Caleb,

     Wow!  Thank you for that letter.  I was not expecting that at all.  But see the thing is, we knew you were okay all along.  I am sure we will continue to be sad even as the wounds heal.  Nothing will ever amount to losing you.  It has been the hardest thing that we have had to contend with in our lives so far.  One day though, I do believe that these wounds will get smaller and all that will be left is warm fuzzy memories of you.  Making it there is going to take a lot of work on our part.  So please, bear with us when we do get sad.  We really miss you.

     Yesterday was Childrens Memorial Day.  All around the world between the hours of 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. mommy’s and daddy’s around the world lit candles in remembrance of their passed children.  A poem was also recited while doing this.  Did you see yours?

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy