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Was I Right or Wrong?

17 May

Life seems so wrong right now.  I feel as if I am a terrible parent.  To have let happen to you what happened.  Will you ever forgive me?  Unless you show yourself to me and tell me that all is ok and that you still love me.  I wish now that I would have spent more time with you.  All of the times that you wanted to play with me and I just pushed you aside.  All of the times that I yelled at you.  Sometimes I set and wonder if this is a punishment from God.  Is this his way of telling me that I did not deserve you?  If I could just have one more chance God I promise I will do the very best I can for you.  I really do not what more you want though.  I loved my little Caleb very much.  Whatever it is that you want from me God you just let me know.  I am at your disposal.  I just want you to promise me that you will never put me through this pain anymore.  Caleb.  I am going to go lay down to sleep right now and I will be thinking very dearly about you.  Oh son what I wouldn’t give to see you right now.  If you need me I will be right here.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

I have a video that I would like to share with you.  It is by Steven Curtis Chapman.  It fits in well with how I am feeling right now.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 17, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

2 responses to “Was I Right or Wrong?

  1. mary

    May 17, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    you are a great dad and you did everything right I cant promise Caleb will show his self to you like me and you see each other but I know he is showing his self to you in other ways just watch for the little things maybe one day you will be walking with his bear and see one of his favorite things that wouldnt normally be there or maybe you will hear his voice saying look there daddy or maybe even all of a sudden think of him while looking at something and all of sudden you will think Caleb thats how you know he is right there right then just remember watch for the little things

     

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