A Beautiful Picture

25 Aug

Good morning Caleb, 

There’s my big boy!  I sure did miss you.  Did you sleep very well last night?  I didn’t, in fact it was a very restless night.  I would almost bet that it was that energy drink that I consumed about two hours before bed.  That was a bad move on my part, but it tasted so good I could not stop drinking it.  Yesterday grandpa and your uncle came over to our house.  They helped me tear the swing set apart and haul it off.  It was to the point that any child playing on it would  be taking a risk.  After what had happened to you I could not imagine what it would be like if a child was to come over in our yard and get hurt.  That is a risk that I am not willing to take.  I have seen enough children get hurt, so if  it upsets you that I got rid of it then so be it.  The same goes for sissy and any other child for that matter.  

I think that it is time to make amends with the next door neighbors.  I will pray really hard about doing so, so that it will be totally driven by God.  I know my neighbors need solace.  They have got to be in terrible shape.  It is timebubby, will you help as well?  I think the best way to approach this is to write them a letter, a really heartfelt letter.  The ice needs to be re-broken and we need a fresh start.  Frankly I am tired of the wall that has been constructed between us.  They are really nice people and we need to forgive them.  For our sake.  I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about it.  It really has gone to far and our family needs this peace.  I will make a pledge to God right now.  God, I realize that you are trying to reach through to me about this.  I notice it now and I will do as you ask.  I just pray to you heavenly father that you give me words you want them to hear so that they may find peace.  I also ask father that you allow us to have peace as well.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

There we have it.  Just as soon as we get done talking here son, I am going to get busy on this.  I want it to be in the mail today.  The swing set was not the only thing that I got rid of.  The little baby trampoline is also gone, along with that little plastic slide toy that you loved so much.  When I threw that out, it felt as if I was throwing a piece of my heart away.  I mustered up the strength to do it though.  I wanted it gone and it is.  

The house is so very quiet right not.  mommy is at work and sissy is at school.  If you were still here with us, this new job I have taken on would have allowed us to spend a whole bunch of time together.  I would probably be ready to sell you by the end of the week, but we both know that I would never do anything like that.  The only person I would ever consider selling you to, has you right now.  I would come into your room to wake you in the morning.  The moment you heard the door open you would hop straight out of your bed and come running straight to my arms.  I miss that moment with you very much and what I wouldn’t do to experience it one more time.  

Over the past several weeks my letters to you, bubby has really started to touch so many hearts.  I think that it would be just awesome if we could show these people who dealing with death is really not a difficult thing to do.  If we could show them how to have a strong relationship with God and allowing oneself to really “feel” the presence of the deceased.  To take that love of God and paint the most brilliant pictures.  I will describe what I see of you right now to give those people an example.

The picture of you on the homepage of this blog is where it all starts.  If you just look at it hard enough, you will see that God is preparing you for your journey and by the look on your face, you know it.  This picture was taken on Easter.  The day that we celebrate the Lord’s Resurrection.  With that peaceful thought in mind let us fast forward 1 week and  2 days later to the day that you passed.  It was a very sad and dark day indeed.  I remember dropping to my knees on the pool deck once the paramedics arrived.  I was one with God at that moment in time.  I called on him to help give strength.  He delivered.  When I walked into emergency room doors I felt God’s presence really strong.  I knew he was with our family the whole way.  Later on that evening before you passed, we were in the room with you.  I felt God and you for that matter, standing right there with us.  Even though this was such horrible event all I could see is God’s brilliant loving light, and you were covered in it.  I knew right then and there you were in a better place.  Just a short time later you passed.  We all gathered hands and I said a final prayer giving you to God.  I was giving myself permission to let you go.  I knew from that point on that you were going to be right beside me for the rest of my life.  As long as I keep God close, I will have you.  This is why my faith in God is so strong through this loss.  What is really good about it, our family is feeding off of it.  It is giving us all strength.  All of that love is wrapped up in this blog so that others may feed off of this wonder blessing I like to call, “A Father’s Love.”

I need to go and get my day going here.  I hope that you have an awesome day in heaven bubby.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.


Copyright© 2011, A Father’s Love


Posted by on August 25, 2011 in Letters to Caleb


Tags: , , , , ,

3 responses to “A Beautiful Picture

  1. LeRoy Dean

    August 25, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Jeffrey, I am blessed to read that you want to make amends with your neighbors. One can only imagine the pain and guilt that they must feel, that you and your family are in. The key to healing for all of you is in your second paragraph. God bless you.

  2. aprilcoen

    August 25, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    I love the correlation between getting rid of things that could hurt others and then mentioning it is time to make amends with the neighbors. It is very obvious that God is guiding you, and we are blessed that you are open to his guidance. Thank you for sharing.

  3. scentilla

    August 25, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Your faith in God is truly remarkable and awe-inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings so openly and allowing us to learn from your experiences.


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