Chasing the Light

14 Sep

Good morning Caleb, 

What is this feeling that I have over me?  Why can I not shake it?  I am caught in the middle of emotions.  One side of me is angry and sad while the other side is happy and wants to push forward.  Bubby, I need you now more than I ever have needed you.  I miss you so much.  It really ticks me off how long I must wait to see your face again.  I need someone to rough house with.  I need someone to chase through the house.  I need someone to slam their food down on the table when they don’t want it.  I need someone to tuck into bed at night and read a story to.  I need someone to bug the crap out of me and never leave me alone.  I need someone to wear the cool little outfits I pick out from the store.  I need someone to lay on the floor and watch Barney.  More than anything, I need you.

God I am looking up to you now.  Will you please give me strength that I need.  Please move me through this part of my grief rather quickly.  Just grab my hand and run with me, take me away from this.  I desire to be happy again.  I know that there is a lesson that I must learn here, but may I be frank with you.  “IT SUCKS!”  “I DON’T WANNA LEARN THIS STUPID LESSON!”  “I AM A GREAT FATHER TO MY CHILDREN, AND I LOVE YOU!”  “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE CHOSEN ME FOR THIS LESSON!”  “BUT, WHAT EVER FATHER, YOU HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF ME!”  “I TRUST YOU ARE LEADING ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!”  

Bubby, I have a feeling that God has huge plans for me.  He is training me for something.  He is preparing my heart for something.  I just don’t quite know what it is yet.  As I look back on my life, every trial that I have faced has given way to something new and fresh.  The taste of it is a little sweeter every time.  The only bad thing about this path of life that I have chosen for myself is that every good thing eventually comes to an end.  As for where this situation fits at in my life.  I don’t know, I am clueless.  The only bright light I see at this point is Jesus.  It is so beautiful I cannot help but to follow it.  One day I will finally catch up with that light.  Once I do, the first thing I will do is look for you.

Okay I feel a little better now.  I need to go ahead and get my day going so I will talk to you later okay.  Have yourself an awesome day and I will most definitely be thinking of you.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.


Copyright© 2011, A Father’s Love


Posted by on September 14, 2011 in Letters to Caleb


Tags: , , , , ,

10 responses to “Chasing the Light

  1. scentilla

    September 14, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Your posts are so honest and raw with emotions… reading it is like witnessing a healing from God. thank you for allowing us to share in this healing journey that you are going through.

    • Jeffrey Miskell

      September 14, 2011 at 11:13 am

      Yes they are, and it feels awesome to let it all out. It is very healing for me. It is also a great feeling to know that I am helping other people in their journey of grief. This is truly a mission from God. Thanks for reading. I am glad to have touched your heart.

  2. Holly Miskell

    September 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Just remember Jeffrey I am always here for you. I love you and we will make it through this together.

    • Jeffrey Miskell

      September 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm

      I am very thankful to God for having you beside me Holly. You are a great wife and mother. Remember I am here for you to.

  3. LeRoy Dean

    September 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Walk on, Jeffrey (Philippians 4:13)

  4. mtsweat

    September 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    My heart and prayers go out to you Jeffrey. Never think that it is wrong to plead out to God, even to question. Our Savior did so. “My God! My God! Why have You forsaken Me?” With the tragedy you have endured, He expects you to be human.

    Even still, trust. Keep the faith. And I am confident you are right. God has “huge plans for you.” God bless friend.

  5. mom

    September 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    dear son I know how u feel i went to see caleb today i was out there talking to him,I told it was gonna rain today,In my heart it feels like every time it it a tear dropping down on his forehead.when i was I looked back at and started crying telling him how much i love him

  6. Bonnie Dean

    September 14, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    one day at a time….

  7. Austin

    October 9, 2011 at 11:04 am

    …God opened my eyes a little more through this post… …thank you for the blunt (allbeit painful) honesty… God is using this to His glory… Which is what this whole thing is about in the end anyway…

  8. Drusilla Mott

    October 21, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    My prayers for you as you continue on through this journey. It is difficult to continue stepping forward, moving on, but God’s strength is there for you. Grab tight to His hand and let it flow from Him to you.


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