I bet you are all wondering how we are doing or where I have been. Well have no fear, I am still here. Over the past week or so, I have reached a new milestone in my grief. I have realized that this is all real. Caleb is not here with me anymore. He is not coming back, I just have to accept it. Was writing letters to him a way of denying this whole thing? Was it my little fairy tale to sugar coat the reality of this whole situation. Those letters seem as if they were just some kind of phase. Used to, I would set down and write those letters and I would feel just fine afterwords. I felt connected to Caleb. If I just keep writing these letters to him he will always be around and I wont have to let him go. When in all reality, I need to let him go. It is holding back my grieving process. Or is it? I am just so confused. I pray everyday that God gives me strength to move on in my life but it just seems as if he is no longer there for me. I feel as if the ship I was on has sunk and now I am marooned on a deserted isle. Where the hell are you Lord? I am so pissed at you right now. Why do I deserve this? Why do I set down in front of this computer to write something to my loyal readers and I cannot deliver. Am I supposed to just give up? There are so many questions that I have. I can only imagine what my loving wife is going through in her grief. All I know is that I am glad I have her. This post is not going to have any order, so please forgive me. I am just using this as a place to vent because I know that there are so many of you out there that have great advice for me. I am business to help people with this blog, but I need you today. For the next five minutes. For the next week. Who knows how long I will feel like this.
You see this gravestone? That is my little man. He is not coming back. Some people make the mistake of thinking that losing a child is just like losing anybody else that is close to you. But it is not. In fact this is in a different world of its own. I have experienced loss my entire life. It is what I am here on earth for, to learn how to cope with loss. I have never in my life experienced loss like this before. Wanna read another story of loss in my life. Check out this link. It has been hiding away for a few years now. I have not touched it in a while, but it too has a story of struggle. Justin’s Letters To me, my life has been filled with a ton of adversity for my young age. It seems as if every time I face one of these situations. I always turn to writing and God. Maybe I am here to inspire you. I just know that along my path in life I have always been about helping others when they are in need. Oh the plans God has for me. I am so glad that I chose to walk the very narrow path in life. I am standing up here on top of the mountain on my way to heaven shouting down at people on the wrong road, but they are not listening to me. Kinda like Noah. Everybody just laughed at him, but in the end he had the last laugh now didn’t he. Thank you for reading this today. Go check that other blog. Don’t bother leaving comments, as I will not be checking on them. This is where you should leave comments. God Bless each and every one of you and I hope you continue to follow me on this extremely difficult time in my life. One day we will all meet in that awesome place called Heaven. We will see those beautiful streets of gold that the Lord is preparing for us. I will introduce you to my son Caleb. Holly I know that you are reading this and I want you to know that even though this road we are on has no room for two people on it. So what I need you to do is hop on my back and I will carry you. You are a true blessing to me from God and I will spend every moment of my life treating you as such. I LOVE YOU!!!!!