Dear Lord……

I have taken a huge step out into faith.  I feel as if this is where you are leading me to.  Would you please see to that my family and I make it throughout this transition.  Please take way the anxiety that is involved in all of this, you can have it.  I do not want it any longer.  I know that you are going to see us through.  I just know that you are…

In the name of your son Jesus Christ I pray.  Amen

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Posted by on April 9, 2014 in About


How About The Other Ear

Ok here is part two of my ranting and raving.  what is it with companies being picky about who they choose to hire.  It seems as if the hiring system for employment is as screwed up as the family court system.  The wrong thing seems to happen to the good people.  The only thing left to do in the end is hold your head up high and trust in the Lord to lead you in the right direction.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Trusting in this lone verse is what keeps me going.  but none the less it is still so very painful.  Rejection sucks, plainly put.  But I will certainly not let that get me down.  Neither should it you.

Your body language hurts as well.  If you do not like what you see then turn your head and look away.  I do not have to explain myself to you.  My maker in heaven is the only one that I have to answer to.  To stand there and look me in my face and convince me that things are alright, but secretly you are shoving a hot knife in my back.  What a waste of human flesh.  You ought to burn in hell for that one act alone.  But the bible tells me that I am to forgive you.  How in the hell am I supposed to do that?  I have held on to this grudge for so long.  I will tell you, you are lucky there is distance that separates us. 

I promise you people that this will get better.  I just need to let some things fly, I need to heal.  I have been through a lot of stuff since bubby died.  The road of grief definitely has not been an easy one for me.  But I will prevail.  I am here for a purpose.  I will not leave until it is my time and my heavenly mission is complete.  Thank you all for reading.  I love all of you.

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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in After the Ashes


An Ear Please

New times have risen for me and my family.  The grass was only greener on the other side for just a little bit.  I was just setting here wondering why it is that It seems why I am not allowed to have children.  Is this supposed to be some sort of lesson that I am supposed to learn from the Lord.  To bring a closer light on what  I am talking about.  The first child that was born to me has been stripped away from me by a child alienating parent that I cannot seem to get the court system to see the crap that is going on.  The other child that was born to me was taken from me in a swimming pool accident.  What the heck is going on here?  The only thing that I can seem to do to make sense of all of this is to look up to the Lord for direction.  Sometimes the answers that I am looking for do not come.  Sometimes they do not come at all.  Life sure has a funny way of doing things don’t it?  Along with all of the animosity that is going on in our nations government this whole situation looks very blurry.  The one fact that remains true is that the sky and the staircase to heaven are very clear to me.  Please forgive me for ranting and raving, but it has been while since I have wrote my thoughts out.  Consider this a social outpouring of my spirit.

The Lord has me locked in place.  until I complete what it is he has set me out to do, I  cannot proceed in my life.  Sometimes it is tough for me because I have such huge dreams for my children and family.  But God is gently nudging me along.  It is almost as if I can see him standing there shaking his finger at me with his hands on his hips shaking his head. “Not until you finish this step in the process my young child.”  In a sense it seems to be growing me as a person though as I weather through one storm into another.  And people wonder why my hair is starting to turn whit at such a young age.  Call it the wisdom of the Lord.  I have become a better leader since all of this has taken place in my life. 

I would have to say that the turning point in my life was when little Caleb passed away.  It was a very tough time for my family and I but we are still standing strong together.  We made it through the fire together, but this was only possible through the loving acts of the Lord and his good graces.  Okay I have had enough of this ranting.  I will put some more on here tomorrow so tune in.


Posted by on October 13, 2013 in After the Ashes


A Little Visit

Dear Caleb,

It has been a very long time since I last wrote to you.  But you know that I have certainly not forgotten about you.  I just wanted to drop by and say hi to you and to tell you that I love you still with my whole heart.  I still miss you deeply, but I have been busy with mommy, sissy and bubby.  We have all built a very good life for ourselves from the blessing that God has given us.  We have been spending our time getting to know the Lord better so that we can have a spot right beside you in Heaven.  I do not know when I will take the time to write to you again.  Just know one thing.  You are always welcome back home to pay us a “little visit.”  Thank you so much for being so understanding sorry to bother you.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,



Posted by on October 1, 2012 in Letters to Caleb


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A Letter to Mommy

Dear Mommy,

I can see that you are very sad.  Will you please put a smile on your face?  What happened to me is not your fault.  It is not daddy’s fault either.  God has a plan for each and every one of us from the time we are born.  I did what it was I needed to do and it was time for me to go.  I know that you would like to have me back in your arms again, but it is my turn now.  You did such an awesome job loving me, it is my turn to carry you in my arms.  But you see your sadness makes it difficult for me to comfort you.  So please mommy, open up your heart so that you can see that I am right here beside you and daddy.  I never left.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,



Posted by on March 16, 2012 in Letters From Caleb


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Dear Caleb,

It sure has been a long time since I last wrote to you.  You know, I think that for some strange reason your death has really changed who I am as a person.  I wish I had more to write but I just don’t right now.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,



Posted by on March 15, 2012 in Letters to Caleb


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A Unique Christmas


2011-12-23 16.44.05






     This has been one of the most unique Christmas’ I have ever in my life have had.  It has been one filled with numerous emotions.  Ranging anywhere from extremely happy, to sad.  From being extremely angry and impatient to kind hearted and loving.  Tears were shed and laughter was heard.  There were feelings of togetherness as we celebrated with our family.  Then there were feelings of great loneliness.  Yet, this year was really calm and organized.  That is very strange for this time of the year.  There was just a peace in the air that was like no other.  I can honestly say that despite the circumstances this was the best Christmas I have ever had in my life. 

     I really feel the presence of the Lord on this day bubby.  It is almost as if he has reached his hand down from heaven and he is gently guiding us along.  There is a story that leads up to these calm and docile feelings that I have.  It all started several days ago when you came to visit me in my dream.  You know the one where I was lying in bed half awake, half asleep.  Suddenly I seen a really bright light come over my eyelids.  It seemed as if it was the morning sun shining in my face.  I remember very vividly, I was in a really bright room.  I sat up and looked around, I noticed a window right behind me.  There was bright sunshine radiating through.  As my eyes came into focus, I saw you looking in the window at me.  You had the biggest smile on your face.  We connected in that dream on a level that I have never connected with you before.  I knew right then and there that you were okay.  I felt a great peace come over me.  It was such a great experience I had to tell mommy.  Later on that day we received a great blessing from the Lord.  I cannot even begin to tell you or even explain the great work the Lord is doing through me. 

     As today grew closer and closer I did not have the feelings of missing you, I knew that you were right here with me.  You are in my heart.  There is a place there for you that you can call home always and forever.  I will hide you there and with the power of God’s love I will go on in this world changing lives one at a time.  Before I close this letter to you, I want to share a poem with you that expresses my love and devotion to God, you, our family and everybody else in this world who needs a shoulder to lean on.


Christmas time has come and passed,

it seems as if another year is gone away so fast.

Before you know it, it will be time to do it all over again,

then another new year will begin.

However there is one thing that will never change,

spending each new year without you and how it feels so strange.

I know that you will always be there in my heart,

nothing in this world will ever break those feelings apart.

What is it that helps me get through all of this you ask,

it is all about God and his great task.

A heavenly mission that was set out for me from day I was born,

one I will carry on with even after being broken, battered and torn.

You see in order for you to see God through me,

I have had to lose things so dear and close to me.

But if that means that you will be in heaven with me someday,

I will lose everything for you just to show you the way.

                             ….Merry Christmas….Jeffrey

     Well that is it bubby, I really hope that you have had an awesome Christmas.  I know that I have.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,




Posted by on December 25, 2011 in Letters to Caleb


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