Category Archives: After the Ashes

Good Direction


There will come a day in your grief when you think that you have finally overcome.  A day when you think that all is well.  A day when you think that you are finally rising through the ashes.  Only to find that you are simply having a great day in grief.  Embrace days like this and build on them.  The grass is truly greener on the other side.

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Posted by on February 8, 2015 in After the Ashes


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Can You Tell Me Why?


“There is a candle burning brightly for you here son. every night at the dinner table we light it. It helps us to to remember you forever.”

We use symbols to remember the loved ones that has passed before us. Why is it that we do that? That is the million dollar question for the day. Aren’t our memories good enought to honor those that have fallen? I know for myself that it gives me a feeeling of comfort. However, is there a degree of unhealthy to it. The simple fact that instead of moving foward with our lives we attach the past to something and dwell on it. This act never really allows us to process our emotions of letting go.

Consider this a healthy debate. If you have opposite feelings of this please feel frre to comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Posted by on February 3, 2015 in After the Ashes


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I Saved Him!

In order for this story to make sense please read this post first.  About Caleb

So there I was….  Sleeping soundly in my bed last night.  I slipped off into dreamland.  I was taken back to the day that Caleb passed.  Everything was just as it was on that day.  I was in the yard fixing the bicycle tire.  For some reason I was able to complete the job all the way.  I had the tire pump and everything. I knew at that point this dream was taking on a different storyline,  which seemed kinda weird. Suddenly I heard a splash in the pool. My wife was standing on the pool deck yelling.  I raced up to see what was going on. She got out of the water she said that she could not find him. In a mad panic I jumped into the water, I felt something under my foot.  I realized that it was my little boy Caleb.  I reached down and grabbed ahold of him and pulled him up.  Once I got him to the surface, I realized that he was alive.  There was only one difference this time.  He was all grown up!  I would say that he was around 6 or 7 years old. That dream snapped me back to reality.  I awoke in my bed to my little Noah screaming,  but something was different.  I felt a presence out in the hallway.  It was a very loving presence and the hallway seemed to be very bright.  Noah was screaming in a manner that knew something was different with him this time.  My wife brought him back to bed with us where we were able to calm him down and get him back to sleep.  After all of this commotion was over I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest.  Caleb stopped by to tell us that he was okay and we did not need to be sad anymore.  I love when he visits us like that.  Has any of you ever had anything like that happen before?

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Posted by on February 2, 2015 in After the Ashes


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How About The Other Ear

Ok here is part two of my ranting and raving.  what is it with companies being picky about who they choose to hire.  It seems as if the hiring system for employment is as screwed up as the family court system.  The wrong thing seems to happen to the good people.  The only thing left to do in the end is hold your head up high and trust in the Lord to lead you in the right direction.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Trusting in this lone verse is what keeps me going.  but none the less it is still so very painful.  Rejection sucks, plainly put.  But I will certainly not let that get me down.  Neither should it you.

Your body language hurts as well.  If you do not like what you see then turn your head and look away.  I do not have to explain myself to you.  My maker in heaven is the only one that I have to answer to.  To stand there and look me in my face and convince me that things are alright, but secretly you are shoving a hot knife in my back.  What a waste of human flesh.  You ought to burn in hell for that one act alone.  But the bible tells me that I am to forgive you.  How in the hell am I supposed to do that?  I have held on to this grudge for so long.  I will tell you, you are lucky there is distance that separates us. 

I promise you people that this will get better.  I just need to let some things fly, I need to heal.  I have been through a lot of stuff since bubby died.  The road of grief definitely has not been an easy one for me.  But I will prevail.  I am here for a purpose.  I will not leave until it is my time and my heavenly mission is complete.  Thank you all for reading.  I love all of you.

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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in After the Ashes


An Ear Please

New times have risen for me and my family.  The grass was only greener on the other side for just a little bit.  I was just setting here wondering why it is that It seems why I am not allowed to have children.  Is this supposed to be some sort of lesson that I am supposed to learn from the Lord.  To bring a closer light on what  I am talking about.  The first child that was born to me has been stripped away from me by a child alienating parent that I cannot seem to get the court system to see the crap that is going on.  The other child that was born to me was taken from me in a swimming pool accident.  What the heck is going on here?  The only thing that I can seem to do to make sense of all of this is to look up to the Lord for direction.  Sometimes the answers that I am looking for do not come.  Sometimes they do not come at all.  Life sure has a funny way of doing things don’t it?  Along with all of the animosity that is going on in our nations government this whole situation looks very blurry.  The one fact that remains true is that the sky and the staircase to heaven are very clear to me.  Please forgive me for ranting and raving, but it has been while since I have wrote my thoughts out.  Consider this a social outpouring of my spirit.

The Lord has me locked in place.  until I complete what it is he has set me out to do, I  cannot proceed in my life.  Sometimes it is tough for me because I have such huge dreams for my children and family.  But God is gently nudging me along.  It is almost as if I can see him standing there shaking his finger at me with his hands on his hips shaking his head. “Not until you finish this step in the process my young child.”  In a sense it seems to be growing me as a person though as I weather through one storm into another.  And people wonder why my hair is starting to turn whit at such a young age.  Call it the wisdom of the Lord.  I have become a better leader since all of this has taken place in my life. 

I would have to say that the turning point in my life was when little Caleb passed away.  It was a very tough time for my family and I but we are still standing strong together.  We made it through the fire together, but this was only possible through the loving acts of the Lord and his good graces.  Okay I have had enough of this ranting.  I will put some more on here tomorrow so tune in.


Posted by on October 13, 2013 in After the Ashes

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