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Monthly Archives: May 2011

Stuck In Time

To my little Caleb, Wow!  I cannot believe how long it has been already since you left us.  It really seems like it was only yesterday.  I guess that day, time stood still for me.  Everyday that I wake up it feels the same.  Every time that I think about you it feels the same.  Not a single thing has changed.  I cannot help to think about your lifeless body as I pulled you out of that swimming pool.  I knew right then and there that you had taken your walk with God.  I tried everything that I could to save you.  I did not want to let you go. But I had no choice.  God wanted you back home that day.  No matter how hard I tried I was not going to change God’s will.  I had to let you go.  To this day that has been one of the biggest challenges I have faced as a parent, a man, hell even as a human being.

I have moved on just a little bit, but I feel you so close to me.  Sometimes it makes me a little uneasy.  In the end I am just glad that you are here with me.  You know it would be really neat if I could just reach out and hug you.  Give you a kiss on your little nose.  We took sissy to a place yesterday where she played in those cool jumpy houses that you like so much.  The whole time that we were there I could not help but to think of you.  How much that I wished that you were here with me.  Your big brother will be here in a few days.  It will help to ease the pain of this whole screwed up situation, but by no means will it ever fill that huge hole in my heart.  One day we will all be together again.  When that day comes it will be super awesome.  You will be the first person that I come looking for.

Bubby, I just want you to know that I love you so very much.  I miss you very much.  You make sure that you behave yourself today and play hard.  Go be that awesome little man who you are.  We are all thinking of you.  Bubby….  thank you for bringing joy to my life.  It will never be replaced by anything.  I have made a video in remembrance of you.  So if you wanna watch it you can.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

To my readers

I have put together this short video for little Caleb.  So to honor him, I hope that it touches your heart.  Enjoy.

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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Another Week Begins

Good morning son,   Well it is that time again.  Monday.  It is time for you and sissy to go to daycare and for mommy and daddy to go back to work.  So open your eyes up little sleepy head. It is time to wake up.  We don’t have to rush though, we can take our time.  So while we are waiting can I get a hug from you?  Last night when mommy and I was in your room, were you in there with us?  It sure was neat how I bumped the little puppy dog that you like playing with so much.  Out of the many things that it could have said, it told us to put a smile on our faces and to be happy.  Did you have anything to do with that?  I think you did.  We had uncle Paul’s graduation party yesterday at the park.  It sure was a good time.  Elizabeth was there.  I saw you through her eyes.  I could just picture you two playing together, it kinda broke my heart a little.  All I could seem to think about was how you would be running around getting into all kind of mischief.  I know one thing is for sure.  I would not have been able to set down as much as I did, you would have had me up running around all over the place.  There were water puddles everywhere.  I know that I would be really busy trying to keep you out of them.  Well bubby I guess that I am going to cut this letter short.  I need to get ready to leave.  I will be thinking about you all day long so I know that I will have more to write about tonight.  So I will talk more to you then ok. 

I Love you like a fat kid loves cake, 

Daddy

To my readers

Thank you all for reading these so faithfully.  Please stay tuned.  I want the world to remember my little Caleb always and forever.  He is forever with us.  Like this on Facebook.  It will help.  Thank you.


 
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Posted by on May 23, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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Our Daily Routine

Good morning son,  I just woke up a little bit ago.  I made my pot of coffee like I always do.  I sat down at my computer to enjoy my little piece of quiet before the day begins.  In a normal day you would be getting up in a little while.  I would set here and think about how the day is going to go.  Some days I would wish my little piece of quiet would never end.  Finally after a bit.  I realize that it is almost 9 in the morning.  So I decide that I am going to wake you up.  I slowly open the bedroom door.  To my surprise you are already up.  I see you look to the door.  So I hurry to close it.  I give it a few seconds.  Then I do it again.  We play this game for a few minutes.  Then with a sudden blast! the door comes swinging open!  In a flash you are up out of that bed.  I kneel down and you come running into my arms.  We share a hug and I kiss you on your little nose.  But we can’t do that now can we?  All I have left is the memories.  Now the bedroom stays open all the time.  Life feels so empty without you bubby.  

Things will get better though.  Our family is and always will be tough.  I know within me that you are right here with us every step of the way.  After all of the smoke of life settles you will be there waiting for us.  What a day that will be.  Well bubby I am going to go now.  I will be thinking of you all day.  Sissy said she wanted to say something to you.  So watch down at the bottom and you will see her. 

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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Be Careful

Good morning son.  I woke up thinking about you this morning.  All I know is that I really, really miss you.  When I die the first person I am gonna look for in Heaven is you.  You can count on it.  Pretty soon your bubby will be coming to stay with us.  You love him so much.  in fact you were looking forward to seeing him again.  Wait a minute.  I just realized that you can go see him anytime that you want to.  The best part about it is that you don’t have to set through that boring old car ride all the way to Kansas.  No you get to do something so much better.  You can spread those wings of yours and fly.

Well today is Friday.  That means it is the end to another week at work.  I can come home tonight and spend all weekend with you, mommy and sissy.  I can finally get some much-needed rest.  I hate to change subject on you so quickly but something has been bugging me since the day that you died.  I feel like God was mad at me for how hard I was on you.  The way that I used to yell at you.  The way that I used to whip your butt.  The way that I made you set at the table and eat your food.  How I kept you in your bedroom most of the time so that you would not tear up the house.  I know that I was doing these things out of love for you, but I cannot help to think about it.  Maybe if I was a little more easy-going on you things would not be the way they are.  I am left with that burning question in my mind.  

God I know that you are reading this to.  Will you please give my family and I strength today.  Just continue to build strength back up in us so that we can be at full strength one day.  It is still very hard to do a lot of things, to get back into the routine.  It seems as if we start to gain a little momentum , then we have a setback.  Lord we need you now more than ever.  Oh yeah I just wanted to thank you for having little Autumn to remind us to pray at night before we eat.  All of these things I pray in the name of your wonderful son Jesus.  Amen.

Well bubby that time has come again.  Work.  Now I want you to listen to me.  If you come to work with me today I want you to be safe.  I saw you in some pretty weird places yesterday.  If you were here doing those things in person I would tan your little hyde.  I know you are an angel now but I am still your father and I would like it if you were to be careful.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

To my readers

It may seen a little strange, but I seen this boy standing on top of a stack of wood yesterday at work.  I could almost hear him say “daddy look.”  My family and I love little Caleb so much.  He truly is our little Angel now.

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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Memory Lane

Hey bubby it is daddy again.  Today did turn out to be a pretty good day.  Mommy was just talking to me.  She said that she felt you standing behind her in the bedroom last night.  You should not scare your mother like that.  She had a hard time sleeping last night because of it.  You do not need to be so scared of us.  You are more than welcome to come and get into bed with us.  It is okay you will not get into trouble.  In fact if you want to, you can come up here right between us.  We  will keep you nice and safe.  What was that you said?…….. yes son, I know that God is taking good care of you.  I just miss you a whole bunch.

I remember all of the cool stuff that we used to do together.  I have a hard time setting out on the back steps.  Every time I look at the back yard I picture you running around playing.  I picture you playing with the neighbors chickens.  I picture you climbing up onto the swing set and saying, ” I am ready daddy!”  Then how I would come over and push you on the swing.  Now when I look at the backyard it seems so empty.  Like there is a big hole ripped in it.  I seems so gloomy, even on a sunny day.

I really do not know how long it will take for your mother and I to be happy again, but I do know that it will be bumpy.  So make sure you and God are on standby to pick us up when we fall.  I am sure it will happen many times.  We love and miss you a whole lot bubby.  Make sure that you listen to God.  I gave him permission to whip your butt.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake,

Daddy

To my readers

Good night everybody.  Thank you for listening to me.  I love you all.

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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Giving Thanks

Good morning Caleb,  Well I tell you what,  I am feeling a little better today.  I actually think that today will be one of the better days.  I got a decent nights sleep last night and I woke this morning feeling a little rested.  It is going to be warm outside today.  Hopefully the sun shines.  I am tired of all of the clouds that we have been having.  It really makes for long gloomy days.  God I know that you are reading this right now as well.  I just wanted to take the time to tell you thank you for giving my family and I another day to go on.  Will you please give us the strength that we need to make it through this.  It really is taking everything that we got to deal with our loss.  I have great faith in you though.  You have pulled me through some really dark times in my life.  This I feel is the ultimate test.  I ask that you just continue to stay in my heart because that mean old devil is really trying hard at my vulnerable soul.  I need you to act as the barrier.  Well I need to get ready to go and start my day.  One more thing I need to talk about real quick to you.  My friend Trish is having a really tough time right now herself and you know what I am talking about.  Will you please give her the strength that she needs to know that she is loved.  Alright that is really it for now I need to get ready to leave.  I will see you today Caleb, you are my little angel.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Daddy

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 

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I Got the Message

Hey bubby.  I got that message from you today when I was mad at Mommy.  It really made me realize how much she means to me.  I just wanted to let you know that I got it.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake, 

Daddy

Quite an interesting experience here.  Just another one of many ways Caleb likes to make his presence.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 18, 2011 in Letters to Caleb

 
 
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